intensity embraced

2008-01-13T00:31:00.000-06:00

so how is it, the new year, my outlook, my prospectswho the hell cares. no better than last year; I guessed that 2007 was going to be awful, but that turned out to be a bit of an understatement. now from the perspective of my couch, of my vodka and my three-coloured cat, I realize what a huge waste of time last year was. at least for me. same as the year before, and the year before that.some

stop all the clocks and cut off the telephone

2007-12-09T10:30:00.000-06:00

I don't care if I never smile ever again, you know? fuck that. who wants to be fucking happy? not me. besides, my brother is right; it's NOT about being happy. it's about going in and going by and leaving only the bad behind --and not too much of your blood or the blood of others, hopefully.happiness is only something you'll think you remember when the hard days come. you will say, 'oh lo, I wish

freddie my love

2007-11-15T10:23:00.000-06:00

love of my life, you hurt meyou've broken my heartnow you leave melove of my life can't you seebring it back bring it back don't take it away from mebecause you don't know what it means to me....you will remember when this is blown overand everything's all by the waywhen I grow older I will be there at your sideto remind you how I still love youI still love you

2007-11-15T01:38:00.000-06:00

no, More Frustrating. Date #341b422u4great hotel on Reforma, nice tall guy, australian, dinner, drinks, the works. he says I'm beautiful, the red in your hair is so cute! I say ok. we have a nice time.655 songs on the ipod, 36.8 straight days of music, and on the taxi home I hit play and Pictures of You starts playing.FUCK, and I was almost ok for a moment.

2007-11-14T00:21:00.000-06:00

así como el shófol de la ipodia, que se complace en enviarme justo el combo TheCure-DresdenDolls-NinaSimone-James-DamianRice que sin fallos termina por arrancarme lágrimas mientras troto por toda la ciudad bajo este infernal sol de invierno, con el resultado que ando por la calle con una cara de compungida que daría orgullo a magdalena,igual quealguien en eltrabajo dejó ayer por casualidad una

2007-11-08T20:21:00.000-06:00

speaking of dreams, this morning I definitely had my third best dream ever:I'm sitting at a table on a long hotel porch, looking at the ocean, there's a stage behind me, and the cure is playing. they start with 'just like heaven', it sounds so good I start singing with them while I'm staring the sea, and suddenly I realize that robert smith is sitting by my side and singing in my ear, and looking

2007-11-08T00:55:00.000-06:00

diez veloces (y aún perplejos) meses más tarde, ésta va para mis padres. papá, sueño contigo en algún punto casi todas las noches, luego despierto y siento siempre la misma estúpida sorpresa...si tú no vuelvesse secarán todos los maresy esperaré sin titapiado al fondo de algún recuerdosi tú no vuelvesmi voluntad se hará pequeñame quedaré aquíjunto a mi perro gato espiando horizontessi tú no

2007-10-27T19:50:00.000-05:00

el nuevo amante es imperturbable y remoto como las nubes en este cielo tan octubre y tan azul. pasa lista como general despótico y no tiene el menor reparo para indicar, señalar, corregir y reprender todo lo que no es de su completo agrado. hablamos y hablamos desde extremos opuestos de su prístino y perfecto sillón, escuchamos música, él me reta un poco, yo lo mando a volar, me pone nerviosa y

2007-10-23T01:08:00.000-05:00

today I missed you so horribly, to be honest these days I spend more time being angry at you than actually missing you, although I do that too, today was the worst though.standing there with the music washing over me, feeling the beat of the bass in my temples and in my heart, and I felt frozen in the midst of thousands of people, my skin broke out in goosebumps, with every cell of my body aching

a nameless play and a haiku

2007-10-19T03:56:00.000-05:00

act ihe enters left, she enters right. they meet at the center of the stage.He: hey I like youShe: yeah, you don't look bad eitherHe: wanna make out?She: ok, but this isn't serious are we clear? no way in hell.next scene, two days later, Him and Her are making out on couch.He: I like you.She: I like you too.He: I love you.She: fuck off, you don't expect me to really believe that.He: I do love you

2007-10-14T02:47:00.000-05:00

UGGHHHH remember when work wouldn't let me live??I think I would be either a) killing myself, or b) very exalted in the altitude of my person-ness, or in short being horrible either way, if work hadn't already plugged every single sinapsis I have available now --granted I've killed many during the years. so I haven't had much choice but doing the johnnie walker and propelling on.so in the end,

2007-10-09T17:29:00.001-05:00

as my friend said once, after investigating a sharp pain he felt inside his chest: it wasn't sadness but hunger, a sandwich rightly fixed it;in this case it wasn't love you needed but vacation, a couple of fucks fixed it.just like now what I've had for days is a stomachache, definetely not a heartbreak.

2007-10-07T02:37:00.000-05:00

what made you go *SOB* so loud you woke up the dog? today, for me it wasinsecure, what you gonna dofeel so small they could step on youcalled you up, answering machinewhen the human touchis what I needwhat I need what I need what I needwhat I needwhat I need (is you)what I need (is you)and then what made me laugh until I had the hiccups;I love the 'morrisey keeps telling me james blunt is rhyming

2007-10-05T21:22:00.000-05:00

she who strives to be a dragon -- pompous, NOT.my pretty poney -- horse perverts, go away.the incredible tales of momichi san -- hero of the gallaxy, interstellar pricessstateborough blues -- what would the allman brothers do?glad I'm so sour -- now bilingual! now bilingüe!intensity embraced -- cause who said it was going to be easy?I'm pondering change. we need more music and laughs, and less

retrospect, bilingual (drafted but unpublished)

2007-10-04T00:35:00.000-05:00

somos iguales tú y yono cabemos en el mismo versosomos iguales tú y yonos queremos pero no sabemossomos iguales tú y yonos tocamos pero no nos vemossomos iguales tú y yonos extrañamos y aquí estamos...just so you know, I know what you're up to. we're both so much alike, just a pair of motherfuckers. we both mean well, but we're lame and we keep fucking up, and now it's your turn and you're

2007-09-27T23:05:00.000-05:00

oh joy hardly contained!she can be over-the-rainbow happy too...and that, people, IS Daniel Craig playing Lord bleeding Asriel!!! life can be so grand! whee!<< link removed cause it was a pain in the ass, but go here insteadand, for the sake of the geek (me), please answer the quiz, will it please you not?ps wtf (what the fuck) happened to my daemon, who killed it?

2007-09-27T02:38:00.000-05:00

oh babyhere comes the fear againthe end is near againa monkey's built a house on your my backand I can't won't get anyone to come in the sackand here comes another panic attackph here we go againde nuevo, está cabrón, la neta, todo es bien difícil, quiero luchar por ti pero no sé si es lo correcto, ¿me explico? gran parte del tiempo te siento tan, tan lejos....... lejos como en siberia, en

femina, insana

2007-09-24T17:23:00.001-05:00

-- the other day I dreamed that my mother, brother, and I were waiting at a table for you and your lot, a family reunion, as it were, you showed up all happiness and smiles, oh la dee la, except you were with your wife, and carried a baby in your arms. 'I had a child, did you hear?' you said with that big smile, and I answered yes, I heard, except I heard you had a boy, and that you're holding

2007-09-18T11:30:00.000-05:00

update: since I never seem to acknowledge good things, I wanted it to be on the record that the ipod, my own, my precious, works wonderfully this morning and all it wants to do is rock.thanks siddharta and the power of visualization, everyone should try it.now I'm off to see if I can visualize myself a little trip to europe...

2007-09-17T23:09:00.000-05:00

yesterday I came up with the great idea of taking a stroll in the early evening, with the pretext of getting some air and looking for an extension cord. the cord I couldn't find, I found plenty of air along with rivers of pouring rain, plus I managed to lose my purse, with my cellphone inside, together with my atm card, my credit card, and the voter's card I had so improbably managed to hold onto

2007-09-14T11:52:00.000-05:00

fitter, happier, more productive, comfortable,not drinking too much, regular exercise at the gym(3 8 days a week),getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries,at ease,eating well (no more microwave dinners and saturated fats), a patient better driver,a safer car(baby smiling in back seat),sleeping well(no bad dreams), no paranoia, careful to all animals(never washing spiders down

2007-09-10T11:26:00.000-05:00

to those cunts who tried putting a knife to my brother's heart, I curse you once, twice, thrice, and a thousandfold, you and your own; may your hair and teeth go loose and fall off, your eyes get sore and dry, may your feet blister and swell inside your shoes, and may someone step on them repeatedly, may your team always lose at the last minute, may your dog bite your ankles when you pass by, may

2007-09-08T21:33:00.000-05:00

I think I'm starting to get a glimpse of it, of what life has in store, like my brother that day when I showed at the police station to pick him up, sitting there with an open cheekbone and a spit out or swallow struggle with a few loose teeth. I tried really hard to make it sound sweet when I hugged him and said "welcome to your twenties... everything gets very complicated, very fast." this was

2007-08-29T15:13:00.000-05:00

I keep thinking, I should write more and then I just don't. I guess I'm probably not the first wannabe who just collapses under the amount of time it takes to actually write things down, as opposed to just having an ongoing dictation in my head. my problem is that I am uncapable of short and sweet, which means that I get run over by my complex compound ideas, and I try to mash them over with

2007-08-17T16:18:00.000-05:00

adoro a mi ipod (favod). estas últimas semanas se ha convertido en casi apéndice, tanto que hasta escucho ruiditos cuando no traigo puestos los audífonos, escucho la música a todo lo que da, creo que un poco fuerte porque veo que los vidrios de las casas vibran a mi paso y al ritmo de mi canción, pero poco me importa. el alivio de poder levantar una muralla de sonido entre el mundo y yo, vale

2007-08-16T00:38:00.000-05:00

all right all right already you got me broke inside and took it all away had a speech prepared and everything tapped phone calls from God and now I've found a new connection being bored is really such a chore some of us out here don't know shit some of us don't even want to know clearly this is my life there goes, there goes, there goes my outfit and I was only trying to help I was only trying to

2007-08-15T00:36:00.001-05:00

This funk just won't leave me be, and I realize it's been two years since I last had any psych control. I left it at the time because I was feeling better after two months of treatment, my life had kickstarted in some sort of motion again and I just couldn't be bothered with spending any more money on a doctor who couldn't remember my name or keep track of my prescription.however, now I'm

2007-08-10T09:15:00.000-05:00

I'm just so pathethic, so much I don't even mind openly admitting it.it's nine o'clock in the morning, I've been up for three hours, I've been sleeping shit for weeks now, even worse since I came back from the beach because, on top of my ongoing intensity, I have two cats who aren't used to living in such close quarters, and they've taken to practice their lacrosse at 5 am, on top of my head,

2007-08-09T11:09:00.000-05:00

ayer, por el tercer wyborowa con ananá (no nanica), por fin me senté a escribir sobre aquello que me daba vueltas, ya con algunas ideas sobre discurso, narrativa y recursos, comparativas, etcétera; pero para mi desconcierto, me di cuenta que mi hermano agarró y lo escribió primero, libre adaptación de detalles, por supuesto, pero el sentimiento era el mismo.así que in perplejis profundis, ya no

2007-08-07T18:10:00.000-05:00

seven turns on the highwayseven rivers to crosssometimes you feel like you could fly awaysometimes you get lostand sometimes in the darkened nightyou see the crossroad signone way is the mornin lightyou got to make up your mindsomebody's callin your namesomebody's waiting for youlove is all that remains the samethat's what it's all comin to

2007-08-03T11:07:00.000-05:00

we were in bed, naked, our arms around each other, we were laughing, you kissed my neck, I held you tight, kissed your shoulder, felt your smell, said 'I've missed you so much', and started cryingyou said, 'but why do you cry?''because I think I'm dreaming, and you're not really here'.and presto, I woke up alone, crying, and cold.

2007-08-02T23:00:00.000-05:00

if you're dead, then you should come and haunt me, cause otherwise I will never know and thus forever will think that you just up and left me.but I don't think you are, I'm pretty sure it's me who is dead and in hell.

2007-07-31T23:22:00.000-05:00

los tres principales que hoy me arrancaron profundos suspiros en el pastel de carne conocido como metrobus:3. el shuffle de la ipodia ii, al cual yo le oraba por algo prendido, algo prendido porfa porfa porfa, sumergida en la mer de corps y sofocándome lento, muy lento, y me lanza 9 crimes de damian rice. otra vez.2. la señora que me barrenó el metatarso en una clara violación de la ley de la

2007-07-31T10:39:00.001-05:00

is it full moon today? was it yesterday? why am I so friggin intense? I feel like an extremely large bunny is burrowing under my chest, bizarre as that might sound.yesterday I was halfway through the season's ending of Grey's Anatomy and I started bawling my eyes out. then the episode turned to the extreme absurdity again and I promptly stopped, thank god. it's good to know I haven't reached

2007-07-27T22:40:00.000-05:00

and it goes without saying I guess, but just for the record:I miss you so much.

random notes and questions from La Isla Bonita

2007-07-27T19:30:00.001-05:00

* upon sunblock: you do need to apply on your butt, otherwise you end up with a pretty tan and a baboon's ass. * upon harry potter (SPOILER YOU'RE WARNED): all good, all great, but why did the good ones have to die, and the twats survive? fred gave excellent laughs, while ron managed, in seven books, to be about as useful (and funny) as a hole in the yeyunum.* upon death: they say ashes to ashes,

2007-06-26T21:31:00.000-05:00

sometimes I can see it happening, so clearly. almost feel it happening.I'm walking on the street, on my way to work or maybe to the store, and suddenly a car turns around the corner too fast and runs me over when crossing, or a ram charger drives up the curb and crushes me against a wall. there I lay (or stand) all squished, insides destroyed, my foot or maybe even half a leg left behind me on

2007-06-25T20:10:00.000-05:00

sometimes it seems like there's so much that you needsometimes the world is upside downsometimes it seems like the only thing you needis holdin' someone's hand as you walk through townI don't like pretending to be this tough. I just don't know what else to do or how to act. I realise I probablydon't live in the world of Grand Malade, but for me it's just so difficult to reach out, specially when

ABSOLUT bananas

2007-06-14T12:23:00.000-05:00

this week I'm a model of industriousness, even right now as I attempt to catch up on my correspondance --mostly with about.com--; spellcheck the last batch of the latest riveting issue in the Car Manual Saga, 207,000 pages of pure raw excitement; telepathically contact 1) my french boss, who's probably wondering what could possibly make me confuse 'i'll check in on tuesday' with 'I'll call on

2007-06-07T20:14:00.000-05:00

first of all, I hereby thank all the gods that be, sgt pepper for his 40th anniversary miracle, and father avila who can't have hurt, when guiding me to my estranged cat last friday.every bruise, every single scratch, every curse we earned from a sleep loving neighbor, every shock from the electric fence of her heightly imprisonment, felt like bliss with honey and pancakes as I walked back with

2007-06-01T00:45:00.000-05:00

remember birdman? he was my favorite when I was little, I loved him and was fascinated by the fact that he lost his powers when away from sunlight, I guess I liked it that he was so fucking cool and at the same time could suck so much and so easily.I also loved the fact that Avenger, the eagle, was the one who ended up saving the day, and on the few occasions when Avanger was abducted/disabled in

2007-06-01T00:29:00.000-05:00

your timing is just atrocious, you know.

2007-05-30T22:14:00.000-05:00

lily please stay

2007-05-30T21:27:00.000-05:00

my life used to be awful, every night I'd lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling and grinding my teeth with horror of who knows what, my eyes open for nights without end of indifferent silence, and suddenly there was you curling up by my side and keeping horror and indifference away with the loud no nonsense of your purr. you'd rumble on for longer than I could stay awake, or even you, since

2007-05-27T22:07:00.001-05:00

there's a part of me you'll never knowthe only thing I'll never showhopelessly I'll love you endlesslyhopelessly I'll give you everythingbut I won't give you upI won't let you downand I won't leave you fallingif the moment ever comeshello,these last few days I've been thinking a lot about that silly argument we had the night before I left. it was silly because it wasn't really an argument to

2007-05-27T16:01:00.000-05:00

de vuelta del puerto de la vera cruz, cuatro días de pura regaladez y pocos actos de valor social. me encanta comprobar el candor que sigue exhalando este estado, con morenazos con panzas de berenjena que te preguntan sin el menor pundonor a dónde vas, de dónde vienes, si te gusta la dísco y bailar el bakalao. nunca, para comenzar, si deseas compañía o conversación mientras te encuentras en

2007-05-22T14:31:00.000-05:00

el sábado me tocó convivio con los compañeritos, la casa D se levantó temprano, se lavó la carita, desayunó, después de una confusión sobre nuestro destino tuvimos breve discusión de modas, qué es lo más apropiado para ir a las pirámides/al tepozteco, que resulta que no es lo mismo o sea, para nada; algunos nos tuvimos que cambiar, y luego disparados salimos hacia tepoztlán, un pueblo ya tan

accidental

2007-05-18T19:55:00.000-05:00

well I held you like a loverhappy handsand your elbow in the appropriate placeand we ignored our othershappy planswith a delicate look upon your faceour bodies moved and hardenedhurting parts of your gardenwith no room for a pardonin a placewhere no one knowswhat we have donedo you come together ever with him?and is he dark enough, enough to see your light?and do you brush your teeth before you

2007-05-17T17:47:00.000-05:00

he pasado el día entero apretujando mis carnes con toda la banda (que no olía precisamente a lavanda) en el metrobús, una experiencia que por lo visto me gusta tanto que la repetí unas ocho veces hoy. de mi casa al banco, quedé encajada entre un señor muy alto y muy peludo que me miraba muy fijamente, y un chico con el que quedé de cucharas, se veían como tipos decentes y estoy segura que no era

2007-05-16T23:31:00.000-05:00

I am most definetely not thinking about you.It's nine o'clock at night and I just got home from an evening spent with my lady mother, being object to the most painful manipulations (we went to get a facial --we're so burgoise these days).... so now I'm behind in all my work, I've got fifteen mails to write, twelve calls to make, nine people im'ming me about the spencer tunick experience, and

2007-05-13T21:55:00.000-05:00

ayer cosí un botón por primera vez en mi vida, casi. bueno, recuerdo que alguna vez en la secundaria tuve que entregar un trozo de tela con botones de varios colores y tamaños para la clase de manualidades... pero estoy casi segura que mi abuela los pegó todos, porque yo nunca di pie con bola.continúa la limpieza el día de hoy, con una buena esquilmada al jardincito, algo que quería hacer desde

cleaning house!

2007-05-12T18:39:00.000-05:00

today I saw corners of my room that had lost squareness with filth; my piece was like two nightfalls away from successfully channeling the return of the hounds of tindalos.I sorted out a shitload of dirty laundry, washed a first load... and of course, when I was ready to start hanging it, then it began to rain.of course, no one said it was gonna be easy.it's been eons since I sat down to properly

2007-03-31T14:23:00.000-06:00

again I'm sitting on the curb, wondering why hell, how fuck did I get here, what the deuce am I doing here, I finally found another internet coffee that everyone assured me was impossibly far away, but turned out to be at the end of a twelve minute walk, orange juice stop included, no kidding, townies are such fucking distance snobs...(parenthesis: this town hates me; everytime the sun comes out

2007-03-31T11:11:00.000-06:00

well, here I am lost in tollukannation again. it seems internet shops here aren't quite 'in' yet, and the only one in 15 miles around --or so natives will tell you-- won't open until the right alignement of dust, fog, and goats happen; so here I sit trying to look tough under a cold merciless sun, entirely attired in black, furiously squibbling on the sidewalk while listening to the ceaseless

2007-03-24T22:59:00.000-06:00

today I've woken up semi-naked and alone, in a hotel room between the highland and the road in fucking tollukanland. this is something I definetely had never envisioned, not even in my wildest, most decadent spring fantasies; he left for work at four in the morning, without having slept a wink, we have spent yet another night just talking and frolicking and talking more nonsense and even making

2007-01-28T14:34:00.000-06:00

dejando el drama aparte, vivir la vida tal como es simplemente no es viable. todos tenemos que apretar culo y sonreír grande. escoge tu veneno. llámalo tu salvación, tu adicción, tu maldición y tu consuelo más sincero; probablemente tus seres queridos lo odian, pero tú sabes que es lo que te salva. lo que te permite seguir adelante sin levantarte por las noches a degollar a los incautos.la

2007-01-17T20:59:00.000-06:00

si tú no cuentas tu historia, otros lo harán. imaginad todos ustedes la historia de su vida según la contarían sus personas más cercanas... léase tu papá, tu hermana, tu hijo, tu amigo, tu mujer. vean si la idea misma no les hace correr a tomar pluma y papel. léase que ésta ha sido la semana de las historias: toda una vida de labor detectivesca en la investigación de mi padre, una tarea titánica

2007-01-14T12:52:00.000-06:00

todo es relativo, ¿eh? comencé este blog hace ya casi cuatro años, lo cual parece que fue ayer mismo por un lado, por el otro hace eones.... a veces se me dificulta reconocer, o recordar, a quien yo era entonces, lo que me importaba, lo que me alegraba, lo que me hacía llorar... de alguna forma, estos cuatro años --que no parecen nada-- han formado un abismo que yo ya no puedo cruzar, un abismo

2006-12-05T19:57:00.000-06:00

además, hoy es día del cumpleaños de alguien importante para mí. me gustaría poder decirle feliz cumpleaños g, qué pinche viejo ya estás, pero no puedo, porque nos peleamos hace más de un año. te extraño con todo el corazón.... vuelve.

2006-12-01T22:18:00.000-06:00

mi labor como ninfa de la cosmópolis comienza hoy mismo. en realidad pocas son las ganas que tengo de hacer las cosas, pero qué le hace uno; como ya dije antes a pocos les sale natural, la disciplina es difícil y sobre todo, los hábitos son de lo más difíciles de formar y de romper (preguntar a cualquier fumador o bulímico qué tan "natural" les salía eso de programarse el tiempo para fumar y

2006-11-28T19:20:00.000-06:00

ya decidí qué quiero ser de grande, quiero ser una ninfa. las ninfas no nacen, señores; se hacen. algunas de nosotras nacemos con algún instinto para lo etéreo; otras lo tenemos que cultivar. esta elección, al igual que todas las demás en la vida, a casi nadie le viene fácil o natural y quien diga lo contrario miente.y ojo, que eso no es una crítica; ya he intentado con la honestidad y he

we'll meet again

2006-08-19T19:11:00.000-05:00

buenas tardes.creo que éste será un diario privado durante algún tiempo. éste será el último post público y pronto no habrá acceso a esta página, así que éste es el final del torturado intento de ser interesante con mi propia vida, jajaja -- todo va a estar bien, pero debo relajarme. por lo pronto dejaré esto arriba durante un tiempo para que nadie piense que me caí en un hoyo; estoy bien, no me

2006-05-07T15:22:00.001-05:00

someone get me DRUGS. I become such an awful, grouchy person without them. everything annoys me. that's one of the primary reasons I took up the smoking. and my awful stomach, too.not having money annoys me. my transfer not coming in --yet-- annoys me. being unable to really tool my computer annoys me. not to mention the cats, all of whom could use a visit to the vet, specially sandokan, who's

it's them it's not me

2006-04-30T18:03:00.000-05:00

Sky was the second one to be born, as far as I know. Lucy was the lively, squeaky, fat one from the beginning, so I'm pretty sure she was the first. during the first day, Lucy and Sky were the biggest of the three; I was rather worried about little Diamonds, because she was noticeable much smaller than the other three.on thursday morning though, I noticed for the first time that while there were

st. anger

2006-04-25T17:19:00.000-05:00

I am proud to announce that in the wee hours of yestermorning, my lily gave birth to yet another three calicos like herself. potential names have been:strawberry, vanilla, & chocolate lucy, sky, and diamondsbubblegum, buttercup, & blossom strawberry, fields, foreverthese are magic kitties people; apt for thinking people, witches, wizards, and people who are willing to give them a challenging life

discombobulated

2006-04-22T13:51:00.000-05:00

I just saw the whole troupe of the boys climbing to the roof, including a slightly height-panicked alex, all of them armed with seemingly tons and tons of raw hamburger, charcoal, and beer. they've been watching the championship league all morning and I guess it's time for feeding the beast.I foresee a whole day and night of drunkenness and debauchery. I'm not in the mood for it yet, so I'm here

I sell magic kitties --to be

2006-04-20T23:40:00.000-05:00

after my poor glass bowl jude was killed last friday in a tragic and senseless accident, I've decided I'm definitely going back to the old piping bits bowl. perhaps it's not quite as classy, but I've always thought this kind smokes better, despite of what purists may say.I lost my old bowl --a nameless one-- at one of the bacchanals next door sometime last month. so today, while visiting my

2006-04-15T15:24:00.000-05:00

my question then would be: why the compulsion to say 'I love you' so fucking fast?

aspirin?

2006-04-09T17:09:00.000-05:00

good sunday around here. our lovely valentian came back from mother spain last night and I've been cavorting around him going YAY the entire afternoon. the boys also bought a grill, we made burgers, we took down the cursed fence so now it's only a thorny and hazy memory.lily is very big now and when we cuddle together at nights I can feel the three zillion kitties inside her dancing the polka. my

monstruation

2006-04-06T23:06:00.000-05:00

life is majorly frustrating today. my own thirdworld-ness confounds me to no end.mad, mad eleanor.I just had to send back the first decently sized job my outsourcer in europe has sent me in months. my computer's fried and now I can't for the life of me remember a time when technology was last kind to me.I have a twist or some stupid thing on my neck and i've been dizzy and queasy the whole day.

eat your heart out, angelina

2006-04-02T21:49:00.000-05:00

is it raining in mexico city? I wouldn't know... cause I'm not there.alex and I are in isla mujeres, quintana roo. I don't know why it's called that, I don't know how I got here. we flew to cancun yesterday morning, and here I am having a coconut on top o' the morning sunday. isn't that unexpected, not to mention kind of cool?there's also a seaturtle haven here. last year they hatched 50,410 li'l

cat cavorts

2006-03-29T09:20:00.000-06:00

I'm having a visit by my son-in-law as we speak. everything is like its owner; lily could write sonetillos by the time she was fourteen weeks old and she still has a strange aversion for clowns; monkey, the cat in question, is prone to bolting when talked to reasonably and he always forgets his keys.he's just left --he went to the back yard and scrambled over the high wall that divides the two

touchee

2006-03-28T21:21:00.000-06:00

love notes, eleanor and marianne:<><

goodbye, good luck

2006-03-27T10:45:00.000-06:00

it's ten days later now. and here I am with the same stupid grin on my face.I like it but I don't trust it. oh but I like him. I really do. I didn't think anyone could ever make me giggle like a schoolgirl again. I love the way he talks to me, how soft spoken he is, how tall he is. it doesn't hurt that he obviously doesn't find me repellant; grey eyes GREY, and I'm all gushy.and... STOP. breathe.

and the beat goes on

2006-03-23T10:32:00.000-06:00

I meant to go to work earlier today, but I got sucked down a black hole and now I think I want to write a little, maybe. so all the tea in china can wait. literally.T opened his own blog --dunno if he wants me to link him-- and he's been writing a whole lot like the very industrious blogger he is. it's kind of funny to read about stuff you think you know so intimately, told from the point of view

two things

2006-03-20T17:07:00.000-06:00

on my mind... but now I've got to go to the bathroom, so I'll "b" "r" "b".I'm back. okay first: dates. I'm a terrible dater. not taking this last one as an example, and I haven't had that many, but most of my dates have been hell. hell I say! boy, holding a conversation is usually so difficult, somehow. I hate feeling the effort pangs of the other person to strike for a common interest, if only

colossus

2006-03-20T12:34:00.000-06:00

remember the date from saturday night? I almost don't... but he only left, I dunno, a couple of hours ago.ah, lovely spring, innit?top 1 of I can only hear this in my head1. yellow submarine -- the beatles.

all sessions on fire

2006-03-18T14:10:00.000-06:00

hello. today I have an exciting date for the first time in... ages. and it's exciting. he's 34, six foot three, hails from cambridge, and he's a taurus. apart from a really terrible taste in shirts, he's actually quite fit; he's the one who introduced himself that time at the pub. on the whole, I wouldn't kick him out of bed you know.ha.I'm excited and that deserved to be blogged. happy

lili ledí

2006-03-14T22:50:00.000-06:00

cefemérides del catorce de marzo:hace tres años y un día, al hospital fui a dar con un ataque de histeria y de dolor. las enfermeras me dejaron tendida en el lobby y vomitando en una papelera hasta que mi madre llegó con el dinero de la admisión; sólo entonces tuvieron la bondad de darme una habitación para vomitar en privado. al día siguiente, el catorce, me fui a cirugía de emergencia.hace dos

on it goes

2006-03-14T01:18:00.000-06:00

maybe i'm just an ocean of hormones, and that is all. lo que sera sera, whatever will be will be.I wonder if someone else out there finds comfort in certain weird, bizarre, not completely benign facts like I do. here I am, 1 am in the morning, giving in to one of my secret obsessions. and hell no I'm not gonna tell. but I might make a postcard about it one of these days, if I ever have the spare

exorcismo

2006-03-12T20:24:00.000-06:00

a veces no escribo durante algún tiempo porque sólo puedo pensar en una cosa, más bien en una persona, y lo odio. francamente estoy harta. quiero que termine. son ya dos años y yo sigo en la lela, despierto con cara de constipada todos los días, hago memoria de mis sueños mientras me tomo mi pastillita y siempre es lo mismo, que si el mar, que si él, que si ya, que si no. estoy cansada de

pondering @ teahouse

2006-03-10T16:35:00.000-06:00

hey, remote blogging is the shit, man.so I was thinking, here propped on my stool and trying not to decompose too fast, it's about time I quit the notion that a person can go to the BH on a thursday night and only have a couple of beers. this morning, besides not remembering my own name or recognizing my own cats, I couldn't remember if I'd paid my tab before I left.

2006-03-09T10:03:00.000-06:00

remember when I didn't have time to do anything, not even fart sideways?on the good news, the stupid course is OVER.top 3 of run for your life1. run -- pink floyd2. I wanna be sedated -- ramones3. fight for your right -- beastie boys

shaky limbs

2006-03-04T11:05:00.000-06:00

now that the clutch has kicked in and my brain is sort of working again... what the hell happened last night? supposedly we weren't doing anything, but seemingly at some point just walked out for a quick beer and wham, this morning I woke up to a series of disconnected and bizarre images, a couple of notions that just could NOT be true in a sane world, and an incoherent blog entry I can't

hit me with something blunt, hard

2006-03-04T03:35:00.000-06:00

hey. I'm just back from the pub, back from the drinking, to tell how much I think life sucks.thanks for the standing ovation, thanks, thanks, seat yourself now.I really don't want to go into details, but MAN. really. does a guy really need to hook up with an ugly chick only to prove something? either to himself or someone else?tonight, when I got to the "´I'd rather go home and read" point, I

still in flames

2006-03-02T16:53:00.000-06:00

I refuse to believe it's only thursday. this week has felt eternal. I'm feeling like a donkey who's being trotted briskly downhill while pulling on a fully loaded cart.so the ass will take a (eee-hooonk) 10 minute rest now and pretend it's being interviewed by leno:1. what were you doing ten years ago? I was seventeen and in the second year of high school. I skipped everything except literature

please some dj save my life

2006-03-01T16:48:00.000-06:00

isn't it annoying that when I manage to land a really cool job, I can't talk about it? for the whole day I've been looking for some dj-enlightened person for technical coaching, something I didn't think would be too hard considering how many musician buddies I have --well tough luck so far. and it pisses me off that bel hasn't answered my email for help on this matter. it also pisses me off that

a great escape

2006-02-28T00:17:00.000-06:00

there was just a very loud noise upstairs, and I think marianne yelled that a flock of geese has just flown through her window, or something like that.it's just one of those really interesting things that I fancy I hear every day, only to find out that the reality is much less creative. but for a few seconds, frequently the most wonderful, weird, bizarre, awful (gorge-mine-eyes-out awful) images

awimbawe

2006-02-27T16:04:00.001-06:00

as of today I also have internet in the shop computer. my first www-mission is to surf (!) for international suppliers and to send queries all over the globe. the whole earth under my fingertips, now at work too! c'mon, pinkie, we're gonna fucking take the world! I've most solemnly pledged not to fall --too much-- into temptation, but this is great, since my powers as an internet whore will

the silly things

2006-02-26T13:45:00.000-06:00

early morning today:mila sits on my doorway, friendly and attentive.lily sits on my armchair, weary but as always, curious.they look into each other's eyes, only a couple of meters apart.mila is black and white, a blend of butcher shop mutt, setter, and freckles.lily is so solidly spotted that it can be safely said that she consists of three solid spots of white, black, and tawny.they are so very

in the back burner

2006-02-25T17:16:00.000-06:00

saturday afternoon. I was feeling pretty ok with myself, because I got up early(ish), washed most of my dirty laundry and the dishes, worked a lot, had a healthy saturday lunch with marianne, then we went shopping for groceries. fantastic, isn't it? that was until we drove by the WTC and the anglo, and I remembered that my stupid exam had been rescheduled for today... at ten o'the morning. and I

2006-02-24T18:51:00.000-06:00

I was ruddely woken up this morning by the whole anglo mexican foundation, or so it seemed like. to be honest, I'm exaggerating; it was only tessa, my instructor, followed by a series of rings and text messages from my homies in the course. it seems the class we had scheduled for this evening was postponed. YES.lately, this course hasn't been a total pain in the ass, except for waking me up at

math killed me bran

2006-02-24T18:50:00.000-06:00

nevermind, I went and took a shower.

you do it to yourself

2006-02-23T00:23:00.000-06:00

dude? see, now I just typed a bunch of bollocks and then erased it. it was booooooring. more boring than the following can possibly be, believe me.my class went great, we got all of the props out in motion and no one was crushed to death behind the scenes. we got a solid 80% and got praised for the material. whatevah.I wore the most wonderful dress today, red and white, and the most wonderful

2006-02-22T01:03:00.000-06:00

jeez, what a day. I mean, seriously, it's not like I only see the bad things, but whoa hell, whoa hurl.I saw a man getting hit by a car this afternoon. they reanimated him in the end, but for a good half an hour he lay motionless in the middle of the street right in front of the shop. there was the obvious crowd standing and staring and I felt morbid for it, but I stood outside too and watched

me wanna go home

2006-02-20T23:57:00.000-06:00

pheeew. I see my long days are back.it was so pleasant going back to the shop today, and I wasn't in the least bothered that the Boss wouldn't let me out of his sight, not even to go to the loo or have a cup of tea; I spent the morning trotting between the two stores, getting all the papers ready for accounting, getting praised for the cleanliness of my record-keeping, and stupidly revolving upon

I'm going to have a girl moment

2006-02-19T23:54:00.000-06:00

I just watched bend it like beckham. it was on the tube. it's a very watchable sunday movie, if you ask me --I also love parminder nagra and I cry and weep for neela's fate every thursday on ER --but that's not my point just now.what is it with irishmen and their sexy way of saying words? it just kills me. I mean, it's understandable that I should pant when I see norman reedus in the boondock

2006-02-19T20:11:00.000-06:00

a lo mejor sería bueno que me metiera a clases de boxeo o de lucha libre. está claro que me sobran energías que necesariamente debo descargar físicamente --pensar fuerte no vale--, y de preferencia en alguna actividad cuerpo a cuerpo.en otras palabras, ay jesús mío, líbrame de los malos pensamientos.1. veneno en la piel -- radio futura 2. somebody told me -- the killers3. cry little sister --

pass the grey poupon, please

2006-02-19T13:40:00.000-06:00

yesterday, saturday of football.there were a fair amount of girls at the field, but they were all girlfriends, you know? all of them were like hi, nice to meet you, which of the boys is yours?and we answer, oh, none of them is ours, we're just here for the sport.because definetely, for what other reason would we want to see 22 very white englishmen cavorting in shorts around a field? although,

10:15 on a friday night

2006-02-17T23:05:00.000-06:00

so I'd been looking forward to actually having time to write in my brand-new, shatteringly pink blog and now, friday at eleven *drumroll*I got nothing.well - except for the lover thing -- maybe I should elaborate on that now, in lieu of a better subject. I want a lover. this sounds like such a simple request, doesn't it? a fairly straightforward transaction, given that I have all my limbs and I