I'm exhausted.
There's so much I wanted to write, or at least I think I did, but my mind has just gone blank. Totally. I'm home alone for the weekend. Translation: Belendor is on tour all weekend so the cleanup of the apartment is up to me. The deal is he's gonna have to move around all the furniture to wherever I want it and I won't lift a single finger. Fair enough for me.
And to tell you the truth, and don't tell anybody because I will truly become a subdued housewife, is that I am really enjoying the cleaning up part. It is easy, and it is rather exhilarating to find that the walls are white after all. There was a moment when I thought they were originally shit-yellow. Shit-brown in some places. It is going to look amazing when I finish.
I've been playing around with my Webcam, as well. Up until now, the thing has turned out to be useless. It's just glass eye that stares up at me from the top of the computer and projects a rather blurry image in the screen. But I won't get into webcam chatting, because it sickens me even more than regular chatting. Have I mentioned I HATE chatrooms? Nothing good has ever come from them. At least for me.
And yeah, the camera adds about 5 or 6 kilos. I look like a pig.
Gosh I'm so tired.
I would want to write how marvelously I feel in my new house. My new home. It's not only that it's a beautiful place, but it is also the first house that I have actually felt MINE in my life. In all the other places it was my family's house, a friend's house, then "our" house; a place which was mine only partially because we had Arwen as a roommate. It was not mine. Of course, I share this with Belendor, but he is my love and we are one. The feeling is glorious. It's not only the shallowness of being able to say "I'll put that pot over here, and maybe we should paint a design over the arch". It's not only the glee at knowing I can walk around naked if I choose to. There's much of the former feelings in my happiness, but they are not the best part. The best is that Belendor and I have finally found a place to call our home. Not a place where to stay until we find one. It's a place where we can count on living in for years to come. Maybe until we can buy a house. This is a place where we might have children, and they might take their very first steps on the very floor my now bare feet are resting. They might marvel at the aquariums and notice the pretty dance of the dust in the sunrays in the afternoons.
I might very nurse my firstborn in that couch sometime in the future. Showing her stuff. Telling him how to pet Cow, gently and softly, just as she likes it. I would could give him or her their first bubble bath in the very same tub I soaked in just yesterday.
And Belendor and I might make love countless nights on the same bed, in the same room, and I will know that if he's on top of me and I get lucky, I might see the moon peeking through the window over his shoulder.
We've had places to live in, but we finally have a home.
There's so much I wanted to write, or at least I think I did, but my mind has just gone blank. Totally. I'm home alone for the weekend. Translation: Belendor is on tour all weekend so the cleanup of the apartment is up to me. The deal is he's gonna have to move around all the furniture to wherever I want it and I won't lift a single finger. Fair enough for me.
And to tell you the truth, and don't tell anybody because I will truly become a subdued housewife, is that I am really enjoying the cleaning up part. It is easy, and it is rather exhilarating to find that the walls are white after all. There was a moment when I thought they were originally shit-yellow. Shit-brown in some places. It is going to look amazing when I finish.
I've been playing around with my Webcam, as well. Up until now, the thing has turned out to be useless. It's just glass eye that stares up at me from the top of the computer and projects a rather blurry image in the screen. But I won't get into webcam chatting, because it sickens me even more than regular chatting. Have I mentioned I HATE chatrooms? Nothing good has ever come from them. At least for me.
And yeah, the camera adds about 5 or 6 kilos. I look like a pig.
Gosh I'm so tired.
I would want to write how marvelously I feel in my new house. My new home. It's not only that it's a beautiful place, but it is also the first house that I have actually felt MINE in my life. In all the other places it was my family's house, a friend's house, then "our" house; a place which was mine only partially because we had Arwen as a roommate. It was not mine. Of course, I share this with Belendor, but he is my love and we are one. The feeling is glorious. It's not only the shallowness of being able to say "I'll put that pot over here, and maybe we should paint a design over the arch". It's not only the glee at knowing I can walk around naked if I choose to. There's much of the former feelings in my happiness, but they are not the best part. The best is that Belendor and I have finally found a place to call our home. Not a place where to stay until we find one. It's a place where we can count on living in for years to come. Maybe until we can buy a house. This is a place where we might have children, and they might take their very first steps on the very floor my now bare feet are resting. They might marvel at the aquariums and notice the pretty dance of the dust in the sunrays in the afternoons.
I might very nurse my firstborn in that couch sometime in the future. Showing her stuff. Telling him how to pet Cow, gently and softly, just as she likes it. I would could give him or her their first bubble bath in the very same tub I soaked in just yesterday.
And Belendor and I might make love countless nights on the same bed, in the same room, and I will know that if he's on top of me and I get lucky, I might see the moon peeking through the window over his shoulder.
We've had places to live in, but we finally have a home.
posted by gaby san at
2/28/2003 12:55:00 AM
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