The Mad Tea Party

If you don't mind, I'll try this headers thing myself. I must impose some order around here. Or someplace, I don't know. Don't ask.

So, I went to the doctor today and had my stitches removed. Thank you, but that Frankenstein look just didn't suit me. I mean, I like scars and tatoos and piercings (I have three) but black thread... no, not really no.

Good news is, I don't have the stitches anymore.

Bad news is, I can't eat anything even remotely tasty until I turn forty two, or almost. All fat is out, as well as spices. That, guys and gals, means no pepper, no paprika, no parsley, no oregan, no chilli. I used to eat many of these things, but I think I can live without them.

It also means no butter, no olive oil, no sesame seed oil, no soy oil, in short; no oil (even petro-oil) that humans have ever used or utilized to cook. No porkchops, no eggs, no dressing on salads, no maio, no mustard, no hamburgers no french fries (aaarrrghhh!).

I can live without all of the above, also, although I have my doubts about the french fries. They've been the cornerstone of my diet for the last... twenty years?

I can live without all of those. But...

The terrible news (the frightening, agonizing news) is that I mustn't drink any Coke. Ever again. When I first heard about it, I turned pale, I swayed upon my feet, I clutched to Belendor for support, I took a deep breath, I composed myself and whispered: "OK, it'll be hard, but at least I can drink iced tea..." But the doctor, that evil imp, overheard me and sentenced that I shan't drink iced tea either, because it's black tea and that irritates my stomach also. I don't remember anymore. I think I fainted.

How am I supposed to go on now? What is going to fuel me? Am I supposed to grow a healthy addiction to all-natural fruit juice (uck!). I mean, I like apple juice, I really do, but I don't know if I can face a lifetime of apple juice drinking...

O Gods somebody help me!

So, I can't drink my daily dose of Coke or iced tea, but, on the other hand, I'm perfectly able to start working as of Monday, if I want to. Where's the justice in this world? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GO TO WORK AND SUFFER THOSE ASSHOLES WITHOUT MY TEA OR MY COKE?

Of course I don't want to start working on Monday. And you know what? I won't. They can send me the work over email, and I can save myself the annoyance of staring at their ugly and frequently bloated faces. Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll take next week in mourning for my precious tea. How about that?

And, I must also confess...

As I write this, I'm drinking about a gallon of iced tea... I keep telling myself I'm saying good-bye.