All right, this isn't fair.

Our telephone has been cut. And it isn't fair because that's the only bill we've paid; not the cable bill, not the electricity bill, we chose to pay the phone and now the phone's been cut. Great. Also, we've finished our gas. And that also isn't fair because we bought not one but two of the biggest tanks not two months ago. And now it's out. Somebody just shoot me please.

Somebody, somebody, somebody put something in my drink.

You know what would be great? A drink. I wish I had right this minute, right in front of me, a whole case of icy dark beer. And it's not desperation talking here, fellas. It's just the simple craving. I haven't had a drink in... holy shit! Almost a year!! We have to do something about that. Right about now would be fine, except for the fact that's almost 1 am, I'm in my PJs, I'm home alone on a Friday night and Belendor's not home. Ah, yeah, and the fact that I don't have a single solitary coin.

Beer... *drool* (insert Homer Simpson's face, please)

That isnt' fair either. Let me see what I've got in my fridge.

Bleh not much. White wine, which is so not what I need right now, and Belendor's tequila. I don't dig tequila very much, but tonight it looks really sexy. Perhaps I could muster some midnight Margaritas? I'm debating over it. Mmmm...

I think it's evident by now I'm home alone. Belendor's mixing the final demo at the studio and left me here to rot. And to shower in icy cold water, of course. I don't mind much; it's hot enough for the water in the tanks to be a little warm, even at this time. And I don't mind his not being here, because I'm kind of thinkful. Thinking too much, at least in my case, has never been too good, but lately my train of thought has been surprisingly benign. Maybe something productive might come out of it. We'll see.

All right, fuck it. I'm going for the margarita. Let's see, tequila, ice, lemon... what else is in it???

Back. Frozen margarita. I only hope this won't wreck my system. Cheers.

The only good thing I got from my time waiting tables at the HRC was learning how to make fancy cocktails. Not that margaritas are rocket science, but you know what I mean.

Gosh, the moment I took the first sip I wished I wasn't alone. Damn. Had kind of forgotten that alcohol brings the social animal in me. Right now, I wish there was a good friend with me. Not to whine or to cry, but to play a good Ramones record and sing along till we dropped.

Last time I did that was a long time ago. It was a weird time, too. I remember it as if it were yesterday. Will was my boss and one night, after work, he asked me to go to the movies with him. This wasn't unusual, we regularily went out together, but generally we just had some beers. So, we went to the movies. On the way out, he asked me if I wanted a beer. I said yes. I always want some beer. As I was driving, he gave the directions. We finally parked on a dark street not far from where we worked. I was confused, since I didn't know the place, that wasn't his house and there was no bar in sight. He opened the door of an apartment building and disappeared beneath the stairs shadow. It turned out this was his new home. He had separated from his common-law wife of three years and he had moved out and rented this big basement apartment without anyone knowing, even his family. He was a weird dude. That had been one month ago, and I was the first one to know, even though we weren't what you'd call the best of friends.

He told me all about his breakup and we had the beers. I made a joke about how he'd need a roommate with such a big apartment, and he instantly asked me to move in. And I instantly said yes. That was, oh I remember it clearly, Monday September 10th 2001. Does the date ring a bell? Yes, next day I woke up to the fact that someone had just rearranged the Twin Towers. And it was then, while we watched that day's developments, that I told my Ma I was moving out while we were watching the BBC broadcast. I don't think I can convey just how meaningful that moment was. How surreal, and weird, and strange, and meaningful.

I'm tired. I'll tell you about it later. I don't want to write anymore today.