The other day, at the subway, I bumped into a former student of mine. He told me he was rather surprised to see me, because, he said, he expected me to be miles and miles away from here by now.

Friends from abroad: What the hell are you still doing there?

Friends from here: What the hell are you still doing here?

Inner Voice: What the hell am I still doing here?

The answer is, I think I was afraid of leaving.

Then, I met Belendor and for a time there was no reason to leave. I was completely devoted to making our relationship good and strong, that's what I've been doing.

That's not enough anymore.

I've thought about it long and long, and I really can't see any other way. Yes, I wanted to get back into school, but primarily because it might eventually get me out of here.

Now that the school is out of the question, I think, well, what now? Change jobs? Social work? Crochet? Massage courses? Aromatic candles?


The answer seems to be, get the fuck out of Dodge.