Excerpts

October 31, 1999

I've been waiting for tonight. My plan was climbing on the roof and jump off at midnight. I won't be misunderstood; mine was going to be a leap of faith, and halfway through my fall I was going to turn into a bird. Of course, if my faith proved to be wrong, I was going to crash, but I believed this year I had absolutely nothing to lose. I'm pretty sure I would have made it, though.

However, after thinking it through, I think I'll postpone my becoming a raven one more year. I'm going to climb on the roof instead and make a wish. Now that I'm a grown girl, I know that when you make a wish you've got to be very careful, because life, [i]ka[/i], the Force, or whatever make your wish come true exactly as you asked for it.

This is my wish, then:

I don't want to be afraid anymore. I want to be complete. I want to be a dragon. I want to love again.

Please.

Please.


*****


October 31, 2000

Thank you so much for your gifts. I've been happier, and most of all, I've been myself. There's not void anymore. My life is full with beautiful things. I love Carlo; I know he's not my destiny but only a part of my way, but I love him nevertheless and I'm thankful for him.

Now I need clearness of heart, so I can tell what comes next, when I'm supposed to go on. I need strength, too, to live by my decisions.

Thank you so much.


*******


October 31, 2001

This has been a difficult year, but I've learned a lot. I've received things I don't understand yet, but I'm thankful for them all the same. Now I live on Hope Street, and it's my shelter. Thank you for all this people who dwell in my life; some of them leave and I can't understand that, but they've all left something. Yes, something.

The people around me begin where I finish, we're a newborn being.

Belendor just arrived too. Please help me, for I'm scared. I don't want to be. I want to be strong and be able to loved without fear.

*********

October 31, 2002

This has been a great year, and I'm thankful for that. I love my man, and he loves me. Thanks for the familiar you sent me; I love her a lot and she's my sister. We have a great house, if small, but I'm happier than I ever thought I could be. Thank you so, so much.

I'm ashamed to ask for this, but the only thing I need is money. Please help me find a job which fulfills me and brings me the money I so dearly need.

*******


Today

My life is great, but I'm weak. All the gifts I have and I can't bear them! Please, I need strength. I ask you for strength. Strength to be brave and stand by my own, the strength to love myself and not feel bad about it. Strength to believe there might be something out there for me still.

I don't want to be weak anymore; I'm tired of being blown away by the wind.