Yeah, well, I'm a big SUCKER.

I'm crying. I can't help it. I needed a break and I didn't get it. How could I ever expect I'd get one?

My pride. My fucking pride!! It has GOT to be.

OK, I mispelled emphasis. I mispelled approppriate. In a 500 words essay. And.... you English speakers, help me out here:

"by following this method, the teacher only needs to set a dynamic going and then limit himself to clear doubts and correct mistakes."

Is there something grammatically offensive in the above sentence? The corrections I saw included changing going for pace and using gerunds instead of infinitives in the second part of the sentence. .

I still think that it was grammatically correct, it was just a matter of style.

Either way, it doesn't matter. After the H.R. lady told me yesterday that it was all just a matter of paperwork, she tells me today my "process" is finished. "They want someone with flawless English."

They wouldn't even interview me. I was handed my papers back and sent home.

I broke down crying on the subway. It was a risky position, because I had all that stupid makeup on my eyes and I didn't dare touch them, so I just covered my eyes and bawled like a little kid until a kind soul stood up and handed me a package of Kleenex.

I so wanted that job. And I somehow managed to blow it.

I keep thinking, it's my pride. I'm so proud of my English skills, I keep thinking I'm so good with it, and it's now pretty clear I'm not. And then I'm fucked, because if I can't play the English card, I don't have any cards to play.

Back to the hole. Back to the gutter.

I thought I could stop worrying about keeping the apartment. I thought I would never have to suffer to come up with money for food or gas again. I thought I would be able to finally start saving a little. But no. And no. I'm clearly not good enough.

Why? Why don't I ever get a break?