Hurried update

I should have done this Playstation thing long ago. I should be more practical about what I've learned. Which is to say, T is upstairs playing Silent Hill and I have some time to blog without him looking over my shoulder.

It's been a weird couple of weeks since he came back... we both know we're wrapping things up, but I also wonder if it wouldn't be better if we just ended it right now instead of drawing it on.

On the whole, it seems easier, more comfortable, to just finish doing what we'd set out to do and then end things. I might be a coward, but I just don't feel like going through it while we still have things to finish together. It feels unnecessary, given that we get along so well and I've pretty much given up the notion that such a thing as a peaceful breakup exists.

On an unrelated note, it seems everyone around me is suddenly getting pregnant. Is it a spring phenomenon, or just another selective perception fart?

Yesterday I found some random pages from old journals of mine dating back to 1997, the year when Fiona summed it all up so well by saying "bullshit" on live TV. Anyway, all of these writings were spaced apart in time but had one thing in common: self-loathing. It's all on and on about how terrible I am and how unworthy, how stupid.

I see the pattern and I want to stop it, but how does one let go?

I have to go --movie watching time.