and so it is, just like you said it would be

fine, so I'm moving. yes.

the moment I had the house for sure I called bel, my ex who has most of my stuff in the apartment we once shared. when we broke up we decided to leave the stuff there, because it had been an amicable break-up and some day we'd meet again and I'd take my stuff and everything would be just fine.

for a year I have been fighting the grownups around me, who said that I shouldn't trust him and that he was going to try and screw me over with the things, or otherwise to try and make things difficult for me when the time came. for a year I've been defending him, saying he's not like that, that he's different, that we have good memories, that he's not like everyone else.

I've been trying to talk to him since I knew of the move, and he always cut me off for some reason or other. he's always so busy, he always says he'll call back and he never does. so in the end, after trying three or four times to talk to him, I decided to text him, saying that I'd be there on saturday to pack and to let me know if that was OK with him. he never answered, so I sent the message again. finally I call yesterday night,

and he says that he did get my message, but that a message isn't enough, that I should have called. furthermore, he's busy today and tomorrow, and he wants to be there when I move, lest I take something that is not mine.

just in case I'm going to take something that isn't mine.

me. take something of his. he knows how much trouble I've gone through because of the things, I apologized profoundly to him because I had to take the fridge from him a couple of months ago, after I've gone through all this trouble to keep things smooth and keep some civility and everything, he's worried that I, his girlfriend who supported him for three years, am going to grab stuff that isn't mine just to screw him over.

and he doesn't care that I've been laying plans for the whole week and that I need it to happen this weekend, because I need to move before next weekend and my brother can't help me in the weekdays, and it doesn't matter that I have a key and that I know exactly what is mine and what isn't, I can't just let myself into the apartment I LIVED IN AND PAYED THE RENT FOR DURING TWO YEARS because I MIGHT TAKE SOMETHING OF HIS, because in his words, 'you just never know'.

i should be so happy about the move, but this has me brokenhearted. it's stupid, but I feel stupid too. I feel I've been stupid for a looooong time.

and that it still hurts more than it makes me mad, makes me all the more stupid.