cleaning house!

today I saw corners of my room that had lost squareness with filth; my piece was like two nightfalls away from successfully channeling the return of the hounds of tindalos.
I sorted out a shitload of dirty laundry, washed a first load... and of course, when I was ready to start hanging it, then it began to rain.

of course, no one said it was gonna be easy.

it's been eons since I sat down to properly write. I've been meaning to, wanting to, with little success; life has been getting too much in the way, as it's been known to do.
pompous much, eh?

life is okay right now. most days I wake up happy and in general I don't feel much like complaining for getting up, going out, and doing what I'm supposed to every day. things are far from perfect, I don't get enough work and/or money (duh), family life gets intense after someone very important dies, there's new people to meet and old people to get to know again, lots of sorting out and trashing out to do; an intense private life too, with lots of friends lots of stories and lots of souls just swimming around in a huge fishbowl, year after year after year; intensity that combines and mingles and escalates and sometimes shares bed and bread with you. because, just as if I didn't have enough balls to juggle, enough food on my plate, enough fires on, choose your metaphor, in short, just as if I had nothing better to do, it seems that I've fallen in love again, and thus I am the foolish victim of my passions as much as everyone else. when he's with me my happiness is complete and I fly high as the sky; when he's Away I pine with the best of them and I am.

why? to summarize.... because I'm intense, just as everyone else around me.

as I said, most of these days I don't mind dealing with all of the above. once you embrace intensity as your lot in life, you admit that you're stuck with it for good, and not only with the plentiful intensity within you but in all those you call your own, who shall also be embibed with intensity, and you come to terms with the fact that nothing in your life shall go without complication, in another manifestation of murphy's great law or, yet in other words, who
told you this was going to be easy? sucker. thought you had the tiger by the balls? think again.

well once I accepted all that, I found life can be beautiful again. sometimes. for brief lapses of time. whenever I get some free time I grab yarn and needle and stitch all these scraps
together so maybe when I look back this will look like a time of solid uninterrupted happiness. in general, I'm pretty sure I am happy. I'm in love, I love a lot of people the best I can, I have a nice job, I've gotten to the point where I kind of like myself again. my plants and my cats like me too... most of the time.

life is just as complicated as always, but I am fine. how you've been?

osh, it won't stop raining.... annoyance extreme, since I can't dry my clothes and I have nothing to wear.... I think I'll go to the supermarket, I might even be evil and buy some ice cream or something, bad girl tut tut beep beep. but I think I deserve it since it's saturday evening, I cleaned out my room, my man is Away and it won't stop raining.... I hope I'll be writing more soon.