This funk just won't leave me be, and I realize it's been two years since I last had any psych control. I left it at the time because I was feeling better after two months of treatment, my life had kickstarted in some sort of motion again and I just couldn't be bothered with spending any more money on a doctor who couldn't remember my name or keep track of my prescription.

however, now I'm thinking this is probably more than a funk, it's been a few months since everything became all difficult all over again, balance all gone, no will to do anything except moan and cackle manically at dusk...

I know I don't cope well with change, and there's been a lot of that lately; I'm not that blurry around the edges yet, I haven't missed days at work, I'm not headbanging against walls or flinging cats or the homeless, but I'm not sleeping and I've caught myself giving some speculation to the sharp objects around the house, and people are giving me weird looks in the store which means I'm thinking aloud again, and that tells me I might be seriously heading towards ga-ga land, especially if I let myself, but I'm not going to do that. I really don't have the time or the inclination. despite what everyone thinks, I do not like being miserable.

so I'm toying with the idea of finding myself a therapist. only toying for now, cause I still have a couple of aces under my sleeve (and my heart, I seem to keep it there these days it seems), I plan on giving the wheel of kharma one hell of a FUCK OFF soon if things don't start looking up....

in the meantime the therapy is my daily hour of Scrubs, then Seinfield. and today was extra special because Scrubs was on again right after! yay!

laughs awww:
(the song is Sugar Baby Love by The Rubettes, from the st of a Breakfast in Pluto, which is one hell of a good movie...):