there's a part of me you'll never know
the only thing I'll never show
hopelessly I'll love you endlessly
hopelessly I'll give you everything
but I won't give you up
I won't let you down
and I won't leave you falling
if the moment ever comes


hello,

these last few days I've been thinking a lot about that silly argument we had the night before I left. it was silly because it wasn't really an argument to begin with, was it? we'd been having a wonderful time, watching a movie and being silly sweet to each other, then we started talking and you said how you felt, which made me feel fearful and vulnerable, and I immediately shut tight like an oyster, defensive, and I wouldn't say anything else, and after you repeatedly asked what was wrong and I said 'nothing', my behaviour made you go mad.

it isn't until now that I realize that I am selfish, like you said, in the belief that what I think has no value to anyone but myself; I just never thought you (or anyone else for that matter) would be interested in what I think unless I had a solution for the problem (which I don't). this says a lot about my view on relationships in general, I suppose. I realize I hold this same notion for all of my relationships, ranging from work to family. I'm sure I've heard that impression of me 'going blank', 'holing up', 'turning into a freakin mummy', once or twice before, within a wide range of contexts.

I never once thought we could solve it together. or that your knowing how I feel might make it better for us, even if we don't solve it immediately. or that even YOU might help solving it, cause all this is not only the matter with me, but the matter with us, so it's not only in my hands to fix it... or bear with it... it didn't even occur to me that you might feel better if only by knowning wtf was wrong with me at the moment, cause I changed and you noticed... like you always do.

I know, this all sounds so dumb, human relationships abc, but honestly none of the above had ever made light in my brain until you pointed it all out; see, that's one of the reasons why I love you; cause you say things in a way that makes sense to me. when you make me look at you in the eye and tell me of these self-evident principles, they finally ring true to my ear. not many people in life have that power.