goodbye, good luck

it's ten days later now. and here I am with the same stupid grin on my face.

I like it but I don't trust it. oh but I like him. I really do. I didn't think anyone could ever make me giggle like a schoolgirl again. I love the way he talks to me, how soft spoken he is, how tall he is. it doesn't hurt that he obviously doesn't find me repellant; grey eyes GREY, and I'm all gushy.

and... STOP. breathe. back to reality. this reigning stuff is difficult; it's like learning clutch and first gear all over again. except instead of stalling, you might slip and fall down and next thing you know, you're in another country and you're not very sure how you got there. hah.

I'm not in love. I didn't fall in love these last ten days, ut strangely enough, I finally managed to fall OUT of love with someone else.


me he dado cuenta de qué es lo que está mal. por qué no, nomás no, podemos ser amigos. no es que yo tenga problemas sin resolver, o que sea extraña, o que esté loca; escucha solamente.

creo que ésta será la última carta que te escribo, y estoy CONTENTA. puedo volver a recordar todo lo que me gustó y empezar a olvidar lo desagradable. me quedo con toda la música, todas las comidas, todos los cantos, las cosquillas y los juegos de vídeo.

voy a olvidarme del hecho de que yo creí en ti cuando todo apuntaba a lo contrario; es decir, que comencé a vivir contigo, y moví cielo mar y tierra para conseguirnos casa, me endeudé seriamente porque tú prometiste que todo saldría bien; yo siempre te creí. muchas veces tal vez hubiera sido mejor o más prudente tirar la toalla; yo lo pensé algunas veces, y tú también; al fin y al cabo, no tuvimos mucha suerte como pareja, por decir poco. sin embargo, me quedé.

y a pesar de ello, la única vez que yo te pedí que creyeras en mí, o en nosotros, cuando todo apuntaba a lo contrario, tú ni siquiera lo consideraste. qué va, no lo intentaste ni una vez.

por eso no podemos ser amigos.

top 5 of bel and momichi, as written in stone, 'cuz what's gone is gone is gone
1. smile in a wave -- screaming headless torsos
2. little wonder -- david bowie
3. si volvieran los dragones -- sabines y paez
4. without you I'm nothing -- placebo & bowie
5. rocket brothers -- kashmir

plus

ashtray girl -- placebo -- for her (what's wrong with this picture?)
megalomaniac -- incubus -- for him (you're no jesus, you're no elvis... you're no answer)

and two happy songs!

primavera cero -- soda stereo
let love rule --- lenny kravitz

*curtain drops*

gracias totales.

two things

on my mind... but now I've got to go to the bathroom, so I'll "b" "r" "b".

I'm back. okay first: dates. I'm a terrible dater. not taking this last one as an example, and I haven't had that many, but most of my dates have been hell. hell I say! boy, holding a conversation is usually so difficult, somehow. I hate feeling the effort pangs of the other person to strike for a common interest, if only because silence is just too upsetting. all that makes me nervous and usually all the conversation themes are either complicated (what's your favourite food? are you in a relationship right now?) redundant (what do you do? does it pay well?), or downright boring (are you from around here? what's your family lizzzzzZZZZz?) and/or stupid. we don't need examples of these last; skin diseases are only the start. I usually don't try to put in that much, myself, after I've got a couple of very confused looks from very random remarks of mine. I've only just discovered that I, on the whole, am mostly full of bull, that I talk bull most of the time, and that what I say is not to be taken seriously 99.8% of the time. furthermore, that I'm not interested in discussing really important, trascendental stuff with people I barely know. why do people always want to talk about real stuff in dates? jeez.

and on the other hand, when I've had a good date, most often than not I've ended up in a ride down a muliple day toboggan, like the one I just dropped from this morning, with a very sore body and a very round eyed look, usually wondering what the hell just happened.

I suppose it's good that I'm not asked out very often, and that I rarely agree to go out on dates, and that a crushing majority of them have been a disaster. I find I'll keep the no-dating policy on the whole, but upon committee meeting some exceptions may be made, with certain provisions and few limitations.

on the whole, though, I guess this still means I'm a terrible dater and I have yet to learn when to say 'thanks so much, I've had a lovely evening, now I have an appointment for my parrot's sunday evening manicure. after that, I have choir practice. good day, sir."

ohwell.

second: marianne, you twat. it's really exhausting when you act like such a big baby. if you're reading this, the message is, thanks for NOT throwing my freshly washed clothes to the floor, I suppose. other than that, be a fucking grownup next time and if you need the washing machine and you don't feel like talking to me for whatever mad reason, not even to solicit the removal of my finished laundry, have the decency to put them clothes in the basket at least, and not on the filthy top of the counter. thanks.

ah, and I really loved the detail that you picked out and hung YOUR t-shirt in the wash but piled the rest of it artistically because it was mine and you're throwing a tantrum. bitch.
yours truly,
eleanor.

top 3 two things
1. yellow submarine -- the beatles (for earlier)
2. cocaine blues -- johnny cash
3. break stuff -- limp bizkit (a good angry song)

colossus

remember the date from saturday night? I almost don't... but he only left, I dunno, a couple of hours ago.

ah, lovely spring, innit?

top 1 of I can only hear this in my head
1. yellow submarine -- the beatles.

all sessions on fire

hello.

today I have an exciting date for the first time in... ages. and it's exciting. he's 34, six foot three, hails from cambridge, and he's a taurus. apart from a really terrible taste in shirts, he's actually quite fit; he's the one who introduced himself that time at the pub. on the whole, I wouldn't kick him out of bed you know.

ha.

I'm excited and that deserved to be blogged. happy saturday.

top 3 of someone's got a hot date
1. que sera sera -- pink martini
2. summertime -- nina simone
3. what to do with myself -- white stripes