love of my life, you hurt me you've broken my heart now you leave me love of my life can't you see bring it back bring it back don't take it away from me because you don't know what it means to me....
you will remember when this is blown over and everything's all by the way when I grow older I will be there at your side to remind you how I still love you I still love you
speaking of dreams, this morning I definitely had my third best dream ever:
I'm sitting at a table on a long hotel porch, looking at the ocean, there's a stage behind me, and the cure is playing. they start with 'just like heaven', it sounds so good I start singing with them while I'm staring the sea, and suddenly I realize that robert smith is sitting by my side and singing in my ear, and looking into my eyes, we're singing together about angels dancing in the deepest oceans, twisting underwater, and I just wriggled all over, giggled like a schoolgirl, probably fainted, and then woke up with a big fucking smile on my face.
dream #2 and #1 are me in bed with stabler from Criminal Intent and horatio from CSI Miami, and george clooney feeding me potato chips in bed, respectively.
ps. and all this makes me wonder if maybe this morning robert smith woke up and told someone over coffee, O Lo, I had the strangest dream about some freckley bird last night...
diez veloces (y aún perplejos) meses más tarde, ésta va para mis padres. papá, sueño contigo en algún punto casi todas las noches, luego despierto y siento siempre la misma estúpida sorpresa...
si tú no vuelves se secarán todos los mares y esperaré sin ti tapiado al fondo de algún recuerdo
si tú no vuelves mi voluntad se hará pequeña me quedaré aquí junto a mi perro gato espiando horizontes
si tú no vuelves no quedarán más que desiertos y escucharé por si algún latido le queda a esta tierra
que era tan serena cuando me querías habia un perfume fresco que yo respiraba era tan bonita, era así de grande no tenía fin
y cada noche vendrá una estrella a hacerme compañía que te cuente cómo estoy y sepas lo que hay dime amor, amor, amor estoy aqui ¿no ves? si no vuelves no habrá vida no sé lo que haré
si tú no vuelves no habrá esperanza ni habrá nada caminaré sin tí con mi tristeza bebiendo lluvia
today I missed you so horribly, to be honest these days I spend more time being angry at you than actually missing you, although I do that too, today was the worst though. standing there with the music washing over me, feeling the beat of the bass in my temples and in my heart, and I felt frozen in the midst of thousands of people, my skin broke out in goosebumps, with every cell of my body aching for you to my terrible annoyance, because I knew that moment belonged to you and me, to us, you weren't there, instead somehow it was just me and so cold, and that was just WRONG. but then again, there's no other way, for we're both sinners... aren't we? and there's just no salvation.
this dream never ends you said this feel never goes the time will never come to slip away this wave never breaks you said this sun never sets again these flowers will never fade this world never stops you said this wonder never leaves the time will never come to say goodbye this tide never turns you saidthis night never falls again these flowers will never die never die never die these flowers will never die this dream always ends i saidthis feeling always goes the time always comes to slip away this wave always breaks i said this sun always sets again and these flowers will always fade this world always stops i said this wonder always leaves the time always comes to say goodbye this tide always turns i said this night always falls again and these flowers will always die always die always die these flowers will always die between you and me it's hard to ever really know who to trust how to think what to believe between me and you it's hard to ever really know who to choose how to feel what to do never fade never die you give me flowers of love always fade always die i let fall flowers of blood
he enters left, she enters right. they meet at the center of the stage.
He: hey I like you She: yeah, you don't look bad either He: wanna make out? She: ok, but this isn't serious are we clear? no way in hell.
next scene, two days later, Him and Her are making out on couch. He: I like you. She: I like you too. He: I love you. She: fuck off, you don't expect me to really believe that. He: I do love you! look, a flower. Shee: OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU TOO!!! FOREVER and EVER and EVER and EVER
act ii
He sits on the couch while She paces around the living room. She: if you ever were to leave me, I'd never be myself again. He: I would NEVER leave you, never in a thousand years, never in a million years, not even if you sent me away, not even if you said ENOUGH, coz I LOVE YOU so much. because you're Mine. MINE! She: I am, for I love you so much, so much He: yeah, me too. now how about a sandwich. She: I love you so much it hurts. He: there there, give us a kiss and stop being intense.
act iii
Him and Her stand confront each other at the center of the stage. She: ENOUGH! sod ye, all and every lying conniving piece of you, you never loved me and you were just using me! ENOUGH!! He: ?????? what the fuck, everything was just fine yesterday. She: well not anymore, my eyes are OPEN now, your time's up buddy, and I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE! He: well, That Is It. I know I said I'd never ever EVER leave you, that I loved you, that I'd be there for you, that you could count on me, but what the hell. you've said enough TWO WHOLE TIMES, so there's really nothing humanly left to be done. have a nice life then! I shall now just go and die/get married/have babies/sleep around with someone else. (he fucks off the right end of the stage).
She: well, all alone and fucked up again. he said he loved me, but there he goes, not one single look back. to think that I thought I'd die if he wasn't around... but you know what? that was cack. I'm fine. (She skips off the stage right, humming a tune).
so what's the name of the play?
a) the story of my freaking love life in three acts b) sartRe: hell is other people, c) ENOUGH!! that she said twice d) other (specify)
or in other words
lily has sure had enough of the cure; but she still loves her pink dress. love, g.
what made you go *SOB* so loud you woke up the dog? today, for me it was
insecure, what you gonna do feel so small they could step on you called you up, answering machine when the human touch is what I need what I need what I need what I need what I need what I need (is you) what I need (is you)
and then what made me laugh until I had the hiccups;
I love the 'morrisey keeps telling me james blunt is rhyming slang' bit.
fitter, happier, more productive, comfortable, not drinking too much, regular exercise at the gym (3 8 days a week), getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries, at ease, eating well (no more microwave dinners and saturated fats), a patient better driver, a safer car (baby smiling in back seat), sleeping well (no bad dreams), no paranoia, careful to all animals (never washing spiders down the plughole), keep in contact with old friends (enjoy a drink now and then), will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in the wall), favors for favors, fond but not in love, charity standing orders, on Sundays ring road supermarket (no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants), car wash (also on Sundays), no longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate, nothing so childish - at a better pace, slower and more calculated, no chance of escape, now self-employed, concerned (but powerless), an empowered and uninformed member of society (pragmatism not idealism), will not cry in public, less chance of illness, tires that grip in the wet (shot of baby strapped in back seat), a good memory, still cries at a good film, still kisses with saliva, no longer empty and frantic like a cat tied to a stick, that's driven into frozen winter shit (the ability to laugh at weakness), calm, fitter, healthier and more productive a pig evil kitty in a cage on antibiotics.
all right all right already you got me broke inside and took it all away had a speech prepared and everything tapped phone calls from God
and now I've found a new connection being bored is really such a chore some of us out here don't know shit some of us don't even want to know
clearly this is my life there goes, there goes, there goes my outfit and I was only trying to help I was only trying to help
just admit, I've got you by the lapels they trashed me over over and again you stood there and you said nothing that's what shattered my heart to bits
clearly this isn't my life I'm in the dirt and in the gutter I've got mud and blood all over my face clearly this isn't my life there goes, there goes, there goes, there goes my outfit and I was only trying to help
clearly this isn't my life clearly this can't be my life
it's ten days later now. and here I am with the same stupid grin on my face.
I like it but I don't trust it. oh but I like him. I really do. I didn't think anyone could ever make me giggle like a schoolgirl again. I love the way he talks to me, how soft spoken he is, how tall he is. it doesn't hurt that he obviously doesn't find me repellant; grey eyes GREY, and I'm all gushy.
and... STOP. breathe. back to reality. this reigning stuff is difficult; it's like learning clutch and first gear all over again. except instead of stalling, you might slip and fall down and next thing you know, you're in another country and you're not very sure how you got there. hah.
I'm not in love. I didn't fall in love these last ten days, ut strangely enough, I finally managed to fall OUT of love with someone else.
me he dado cuenta de qué es lo que está mal. por qué no, nomás no, podemos ser amigos. no es que yo tenga problemas sin resolver, o que sea extraña, o que esté loca; escucha solamente.
creo que ésta será la última carta que te escribo, y estoy CONTENTA. puedo volver a recordar todo lo que me gustó y empezar a olvidar lo desagradable. me quedo con toda la música, todas las comidas, todos los cantos, las cosquillas y los juegos de vídeo.
voy a olvidarme del hecho de que yo creí en ti cuando todo apuntaba a lo contrario; es decir, que comencé a vivir contigo, y moví cielo mar y tierra para conseguirnos casa, me endeudé seriamente porque tú prometiste que todo saldría bien; yo siempre te creí. muchas veces tal vez hubiera sido mejor o más prudente tirar la toalla; yo lo pensé algunas veces, y tú también; al fin y al cabo, no tuvimos mucha suerte como pareja, por decir poco. sin embargo, me quedé.
y a pesar de ello, la única vez que yo te pedí que creyeras en mí, o en nosotros, cuando todo apuntaba a lo contrario, tú ni siquiera lo consideraste. qué va, no lo intentaste ni una vez.
por eso no podemos ser amigos.
top 5 of bel and momichi, as written in stone, 'cuz what's gone is gone is gone 1. smile in a wave -- screaming headless torsos 2. little wonder -- david bowie 3. si volvieran los dragones -- sabines y paez 4. without you I'm nothing -- placebo & bowie 5. rocket brothers -- kashmir
plus
ashtray girl -- placebo -- for her (what's wrong with this picture?) megalomaniac -- incubus -- for him (you're no jesus, you're no elvis... you're no answer)
and two happy songs!
primavera cero -- soda stereo let love rule --- lenny kravitz
I refuse to believe it's only thursday. this week has felt eternal. I'm feeling like a donkey who's being trotted briskly downhill while pulling on a fully loaded cart.
so the ass will take a (eee-hooonk) 10 minute rest now and pretend it's being interviewed by leno:
1. what were you doing ten years ago? I was seventeen and in the second year of high school. I skipped everything except literature and history, and played cards on the roof of the chapel for most of the day with other losers. I've missed my poker nights since; none of my people from then on have really played cards. Riveting isn't it.
2. what were you doing one year ago? growing a lot of plants and building a greenhouse on my roof, all part of the good ole therapy of we don't wanna be depressed anymore, right. I like plants better than macrame.
3. five snacks I enjoy: french fries, twizzlers, cheese and bread. I don't eat that many snacks.
4. five bad habits: cigarettes, biting my hands, not eating for days in a row, swearing, banging head against mousepad.
5. five things I like doing: surfing the net, watching goran visnjic in ER, harassing my cats, planning the end of the world, daydreaming to music.
8. five things I would never wear: capri pants, thong bikini, assless chaps, leg-warmers, a decent pair of jeans (so my friends say)
9. five favorite toys (as in five things I play constantly with): my camera, my darth maul, boys, marijuana, and my blog .
top 5 songs to which I know all the lyrics 1. a day in the life -- the beatles 2. in your eyes -- peter gabriel 3. disco 2000 -- pulp 4. november rain -- guns and roses 5. I will survive -- the cake way
as of today I also have internet in the shop computer. my first www-mission is to surf (!) for international suppliers and to send queries all over the globe. the whole earth under my fingertips, now at work too! c'mon, pinkie, we're gonna fucking take the world! I've most solemnly pledged not to fall --too much-- into temptation, but this is great, since my powers as an internet whore will finally become a paid skill. and it was about damned time; not in vain will I have devoted to onlineworld about 75% of my hours for the last five or six years. funny thing is, pretty much until right then I had been a fervent luddite; marianne had to literally drag me to the computer to open my first email account. then two months later, bam, I'm madly in love with the Internet and I snarl when people come too near the computer. how about another eleanor, you're oh so full of bull?
I haven't been able to reach the school because of the exam I missed last saturday. that's almost relieving because I don't have the faintest idea of what to say . somehow, "hm, I know I had my exam rescheduled for saturday, but erm, my head is full of bran so I completely forgot about it" doesn't seem like the best way to go. and even when I work that part out, I have to counteroffer. I know there is another exam today, so I'll probably have to take both exams today, one after the other. SHIT.
well, whose fault is it?
top 3 beatle covers that are almost better than their originals (discuss but no tomatoes, please) 1. with a little help from my friends -- joe cocker
thus I sang this morning as I happily skipped upstairs armed with a mop, a bucket, and a few other assorted items. thus I skipped that my glass bowl, my pretty blue Heart of Glass, slipped out of my pocket and bounced once, twice, thrice on the hard marble steps, then crashed into a million pieces when it hit the bottom.
matrix-like I tracked its endless descent and shatteration. my hiccups started right then, and I haven't been able to stop it yet. it's past midnight. HIC.
you know what the allman brothers would have done, in this case? do you think they would have sat down on the steps and started crying because they aren't allowed even one minute of complete happiness? would they have contemplated the exquisite irony of this little incident? NO WAY. they would have rolled a joint, smoked it, and then gone out to get a new bowl.
